Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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