I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
