dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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