Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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