WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
