he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
