She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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