Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
