My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
