I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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