I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She even gives head with a lisp.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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