Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
