Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
