He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
