Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
