I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I love you. Go after that dick
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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