Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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