guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I party with great urgency now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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