and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I touched a dick in church today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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