I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
