FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
