that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
