im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
