Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
