So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
