I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
