I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
