I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
