So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This toilet bowl is my home.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
