You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
