My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
