My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
