dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
