Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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