Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
