Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
