I want you more than these girls want KFC
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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