Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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