saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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