Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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