What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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