he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
