I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
