well I can't set my house on fire every night
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
