Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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