Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
