thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
