Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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