I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
