i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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