Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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